I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
