All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
