you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
