He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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