Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
