Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
