This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
