You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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