RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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