Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
