Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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