her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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