Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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