some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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