Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
