I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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