Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
