So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
