white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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