Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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