I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
