walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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