He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
