can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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