my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
