i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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