turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
