we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
