i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
