By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
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Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
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before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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