I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
