at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
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I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
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My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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