My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
