Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
