Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
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I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number