Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
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so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out on top of his cat.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.