so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.