Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it hurts more in the daytime
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
