don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more