It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Send us your Text From Last Night!
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is