hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
