if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
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another moral hangover. fuck.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
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put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.