so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
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you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...