the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".