made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
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i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.