Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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