Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.