I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
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Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.