just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods