Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW