I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
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So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
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Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
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she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.