just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.