I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
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Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning