Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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