He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
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His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
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her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.