I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...