Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
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This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.