I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important