I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Send us your Text From Last Night!
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere