you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.