Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
ttyl tear gas
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.