Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
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He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
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I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B