you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing