I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Quick, to the slutcave!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
