I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
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i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK