His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5