Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you