the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.