i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
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My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
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She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
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there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night