i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you