he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.