I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.