Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.