Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.