I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt